I'm baaaaaaack!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Got sick today

So, I was sick this morning, but was able to get out for some medication. I'll spare you all the details. I love my husband! He gave me today off, and I took a two-hour nap. Good times. He also watched The Voice with me and snuggled up to keep me warm. I really do love him. (I was going to say "...even when he's mean to me" but then had to wonder if it should be "...especially when he's mean to me" or something in the middle.)

I used to think that D/s was all about high protocol and seriousness, but I'm glad that part of the fantasy was false. I love that I can laugh with my Sir. I love that he does goofy things just to hear me laugh. Our banter is one of my favorite things about our relationship. Life would be so boring if it were all sterile and straight lines. The way we communicate isn't a burden, it makes our relationship better.

I don't always convey this quite so well, but I didn't have a lot of real laughter growing up. Expressing emotions was often used against me, so I suppressed things that most people take for granted, like facial expressions, or laughter. I remember exactly where I was and what was going on when I realized that the reason the people around me looked so startled was because they'd never heard me laugh before. I was visiting family and we were playing cards, and it was shortly after I was engaged. I was telling stories about my Sir, and I laughed and there was the briefest silence before they joined in. My uncle looked at me like I'd just told him that I wanted to learn to speak goldfish. It took me a bit to realize that it was the sound of my laughter they were responding to. I've been blessed with good people in my life, but I don't think I ever truly broke down that wall I had against self-expression until I knew my Sir.

This is poorly explained, but he literally brought laughter to my life. I loved him then, and I love him now, and I will always be in his debt for the things he has freed in me.

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