Dreams

If, as Walt Disney would have us believe, a dream really is a wish the heart makes when you're fast asleep, my heart is fucked up. I have vivid dreams that I can't always describe in detail, even immediately after I wake up. My therapist notes that dreams come from a nonverbal place in the brain, so that would make sense, which is a relief to me.

Anyway, I rarely have sexual dreams. When I do, they're often really bizarre in nature. I'm often someone other than myself in dreams, as though I'm watching a film (and simultaneously starring in it), and I usually have a semi-lucid moment where I realize, "Wait, how would any of this have happened? I'm married!" and it throws the sequence off, or I write it into the "script" that something has happened to get me to this place.

I once had a dream that I moved to another state to join my best friend and her husband's household. She was there, and her sister-in-law, and they were both married to her husband. But they needed some help in the household, so I went to see what I could do. There were around thirteen kids between the two of them, but I wasn't allowed to talk to any of them. I wasn't even the slightest bit interested in the husband, though he did come onto me a couple of times. I went to church with them, too. But then they got mad at me when I talked to one of their kids, so I went home... to my husband. I wonder if he knew what I was up to!

The whole thing dealt mostly with the 4 of us, and it was highly sexually charged, even though there wasn't any sort of sexual situation. There was something to do with how I had to dress and how the other two women were so keyed in on having sex with him, and I just wasn't interested.

I also once dreamed that the guy who played Draco Malfoy was of legal age and my boyfriend. I'm pretty sure I was reading a LOT of Harry Potter fanfic at the time, though.