Here's something I do not understand: Mature women (I'm sure this happens to men, I just tend to see women discussing it) getting into BDSM and being suddenly unable to detect abuse. Or unable to function within a relationship. Or unable to communicate.
Maybe BDSM isn't the culprit here; maybe it just serves to highlight these flaws in harsher light, but it's very shocking to read some of these issues that women apparently struggle with. "He sed, wed b to getther 4eva bt he left me 4 anotha sub is he a bad dom i still luv him btw, tia" or "How do I change my sexual orientation for him?" or "How many times should I use my safeword before she's supposed to actually stop, and what's your punishment for using your safeword?" or "I'll never leave him, but I want to know how to stop crying at least for part of the day, because I'm so miserable, but I know it would be worse without him." are all topics I've seen/heard discussed lately. Most of them come up over and over again, with various wording, but they all boil down to the same thing. One woman got pissy because her Dom wanted to spend time with his own children instead of her. I wanted to say, "I can see why!' But I digress.
I'm not one who tends to blame the victim, but these people who show up and are trying to figure out how to be a "no-limits slave" are just.... baffling to me. There is NO SUCH THING. I dare anyone out there to contradict this point; to out themselves as the exception. I'll even put out my rebuttal in advance:
"What if your Top wanted to cut your tits off with a chainsaw? What if she wanted you to aid her in something rightfully illegal, or to take the fall for her own illegal actions? What if he denied you and/or your children medical attention? What if his attentions consistently leave you in need of emergency medical treatment? etc.
"If those things are okay with you, then I put forth that you are not fit to be in a romantic relationship of this nature, nor are you capable of consenting due to mental defect. Everyone has a line they won't cross, because we were born with survival instincts. If you think you don't, you have much bigger problems than winning an internet argument against me."
Here's a good measuring stick: If it's something you wouldn't tolerate in a vanilla relationship, chances are it won't fly in BDSM. (There are obvious exceptions to this, but as far as your core beliefs go, it's a pretty good rule of thumb.)
Please note: All instances of "BDSM" in this post are meant to convey any sort of alternate sexuality.